It’s not a secret that I’ve been struggling lately to find my happy place in the midst of some trying times. David and I have chosen to live this journey that our family is taking since Callie Anne was born and we found out that she has Apert Syndrome very publicly. I feel strongly that if we are sharing our journey, it is important to share the struggles as well as the blessings. We have been blessed over and over again by thee outpouring of support from loved ones and strangers. There are hundreds of people whom I don’t know, but who know my family and lift us up in prayer. David and I love that feeling and we believe that part of our role as Callie Anne’s parents is to educate others about her condition and to show the good and bad sides of this new life we are living. We hear all the time from people that they have learned and grown from something they have seen us go through.
Everyone knows that we’ve had a tough week. Today we went to Ft. Smith to a family reunion and then visited with my dad and stepmom. On the way home, I heard the song, “Praise You in This Storm,” by Casting Crowns. I’ve heard this song many, many times, but tonight it touched my heart in a different way.
“Praise You in This Storm” by Casting Crowns http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCpP0mFD9F0d
I have no problem admitting that even though I love God with all my heart, there are times when I just want to be mad, or sad, or frustrated and I don’t want to ask for His help. I just want to feel it. Every aching bit of it, deep in my soul. Then, after I’ve allowed myself to soak in those emotions, I ask for help getting out of it. This is what I’ve done this week. I just marinated in the overwhelming emotion for a day or so and then said, “Ok, I’m done.” I’m ready to get on with it. As soon as I said this to myself and to God, He sent his angels out in full force.
Tonight, as I was reading scripture, I came across this very familiar verse. Last summer we were in Little Rock for our second level 2 ultrasound and found out that the hole in CA’s heart had healed and the part of her brain that had been “missing” in the previous ultrasound was now there. While we were still terrified and didn’t know what she would be born with, we knew that we had witnessed God’s work in a miraculous way. David and I went to visit Laura and Ben and my parents went to Garden Ridge. When we picked them back up, they had bought a beautiful painting with this verse on it and it hangs in our bedroom. They are words that have served as comfort for me recently.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you , and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
We have an outstanding support system for which we are so grateful. There are friends who I know I can call when I want to scream and cuss and just let it all out. Many of them heard from me this week! I have friends who I call when I need spiritual guidance. I know that will always have words of encouragement that I may not be able to find on my own at that moment. There are friends who have been in the exact same place we are in right now who I can call for advice and to hear that it will all be ok, one way or another. God has led me to each of these people and He knows exactly when I need each of them. They have been there at the perfect time, every time.
If I’m being completely honest, I don’t know how things will turn out with Callie Anne’s follow up tests in July. But, what I DO know is that whatever happens, we can handle it. She is the most incredible human I’ve ever met. She is “fearfully and wonderfully made” and I love every inch of her.
***Disclaimer*** This does NOT mean that I won’t throw a fit, kick and scream, and throw a pity party at any given time.